There's a reluctance that whips my willingness to come up here, stand in front of you and release words that are supposed to inspire you. I asked myself, "Was I that great enough?". No, not entirely. Did I have the finest grades after the 2-semester long critical stage of my college life? Not that much! It's a half-full, half-empty achievement. But I thought of where I stand right now: already on my 4th year in the department. I knew deep within me that my greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up everytime I fail. And since I rose up and is now still standing, I guess I still got something to say and you should listen.
I entered this course with my mind and my heart crisscrossed. Even if I graduated as valedictorian in high school, I felt small after meeting my classmates who were scholars, SASE topnotchers and valedictorians too. I really felt like I had to be competitive. After my first year, I and some of the earliest prodigies of my batch got the highest grades in my major subjects. One time, Kuya Hamodi and I were talking in the hallway of the dormitory when Kuya Farrell, now a CPA, passed us by. When he learned of my grades, he just smiled back and said, "Good! Let's see hanggan saan ang makakaya mo sa Financial." In my mind, I then created a world filled with intertwining fear and excitement. Fear- over the fact that a batch gets slashed into half after the 2 financial accounting majors. And excitement- over the new struggle. Will I love the agony and continue to shine? Or will I lose and leave the department with my star not shining anymore? I took my 15-minute fame. And at the end of the day, I treasure most the things that I learned.
Here goes the part where I'm to tell secrets in aiming for higher grades. But they're not super secrets at all. Getting 1.75 in Financial 1 required more intense preparations. When I read the textbook, I made sure that I was a chapter ahead of anybody else. I read the chapter for the billionth time but when I crossed over a problem in the reviewer whose computations seemed out-of-nowhere, I read the chapter again. I realized that every time I reread it, there are new concepts that come out. It's like those things were hiding the last time and only showed up when I read again. I tell you, you will never learn the 100% after you finish reading. The learning is in progress, it needs reevaluation. Be resourceful, ask your seniors for previous exams, finish answering them before you take your own exam. There'll always be an item where the line, "Shoot! I solved this last night." is applicable. Don't be hesitant to ask them about vague concepts. They went through that so they have an idea how to handle it. And after receiving the results, contemplate on the parts where you went wrong. When you correct them, it'd be as if you took the exam perfect.
However, there seems to be a darker side of me that is worth sharing. After a shining 1.75 in FA1, I buried my academic treasures and fetched only 2.5, one of the lowest grades, from the grounds of FA2. What went wrong? Teacher? No, two majors were under Sir Sultan. The subject? Wrong again. 122 is as hard as 121. Myself? Right. I don't know why it had to be that way. I started to encounter severe problems. Family, personal and financial. Name it. I started to suffer some health problems causing me frequent absences. I lost the will for competition. I was like, "Go ahead! It's your turn." I also blamed quiz shows. Joining them sometimes compromised my major. But no, I couldn't stop myself from what I love. Should I blame HP? I mean, applying on a semi-academic org demanded much time and attention. I'd admit that HP drew me out sometimes. It took my time. But I can never blame the program. I learned more valuable things when I joined it. Taught me that time management starts within me to emboss my priorities.
Should I blame my family for calling me late at hard study nights telling me that my allowance is extended next week for the 5th time around? I even came to a point where I blamed God for giving me all those problems at my most fragile state. But I blamed myself most for being too weak, coward and immature. I was weak because I was too scared after the failure. I felt like even I stumbled only once, the whole world already looked down on me. On my defeat. I was too coward to believe in myself again that I could still stand on my own feet. I was too immature to believe that I wasn't on a dead-end. That I could still find myself redemption.
But a rainbow comes after the storm. When I expected failure, I was blessed with 2.5. I'm now continuing my journey. I lost my scholarship but I got it back. Indeed, blessed. There are a lot of hurdles this year. Mind you, the things you often blame are the things that inspire you most. And at hard times, PRAY. It's the least thing you can do. Then believe in yourself, the rest of the universe will conspire to lead you the right way.#
