If last year I summarized my 2012 with 12 people who made outstanding contribution to my year, I came up with a new idea for 2013. It took me a week selecting these. I finally mustered the courage and faced reality that these photos are the ones that mattered most to me in 2013.

And here they are. My 13 most favorite photos of 2013:

                        

13. BATCH BALANCES Graduation Tribute Party

                       

Dubbed as THE LAST SNOW, I picked this as one of my most favorite 2013 moments because this occasion was one of the most emotional ones I’ve had not just this year but also for many years that passed. More than I expected, the hardships in college, as I always put it, both destroyed me and made me a better person more than anything. This event highlighted the emotions I have kept for 5 years. My entire batch and other people heard what I had been meaning to tell the world since then. This event also saw how hard I worked outside the normal and regular times I was at school – my extracurricular activities. And of course, it was the most genius idea that I had it spent with people who knew more than anyone else how hard things were and how we managed to survive them all together.

12. MINDANAO STATE UNIVERSITY’S 53^rd Foundation Night Celebration

                   
        God knows how much I missed the campus. There is not a single day that an aspect of the school leaves my mind. I can proudly say that I am a “University Guy” because apart from loving the life in the campus, I could say that I love the university itself. I mean that genuinely. Even now that I already graduated. I can count in one hand the number of events where students could go out very, very late at night and celebrate. The August 31, eve of the Foundation day has always been one of my favorites. The feel of freedom, the night lights, the loud band, the swarm of people and the always-awaited fireworks are definitely unforgettable. I got to spend this night with my MSU – Honors Program family. With them, that night couldn’t have been better.

11. READYING MY SEMI-ACADEMIC BABIES TO HEAD HOME

                             I always refer my trophies and medals as my “semi-academic babies”. “Babies” because they are “fruits” of hard work, dedication, determination and sacrifices. A lot of people who knew me well way back college know that I wasn’t just an addict of quiz shows, essay writing and semi-academic events. They know that all these were my life all those 5 years. If you can notice my eyes on this picture, you could tell that apart from being a physical activity of arranging them, this must have also been very emotional for me. I remember all the skipped classes, quizzes, exams. I remember the gastritis and euphoria during quiz shows. The pressure. The losses. The wins. The quiz-friends. The grammatical mistakes. The words. The love of knowledge. The love of being not a typical student.

10. POST-OCTOBER 2013 BOARD EXAM MINI-BALANCES REUNION

                             People know that I did not take the board exam because of selfish reasons or selfless excuses depending on whom you heard the story from. I always say that I couldn’t ask for a better batch in college. I met a lot of undyingly determined people who are both street-smarts and academically commendable. Some of them did their reviews in Luzon, Visayas and in Mindanao. I started working then when they were in their review. Things were indeed very challenging for me. I let them know how I felt but I also pushed myself to remind them of the things they were so capable of. With this night of treat from Pyang and July after their actual board exam, this mini-BALANCES get-together was a night I always dreamt months before that.

9. MSU – HONORS PROGRAM PROBATIONARY ACCEPTANCE 2013

                             This photo was accidentally taken at Midway Park in Initao minutes before the Probationary Acceptance of HP happened. I made quite a few on-campus visits before this so the members and applicants of the program still had the chance to see me often unlike other Program Alumni. But the intrigue of the partly-lit night, the time we spent sitting on this big chunk of tree only few feet away from the raging waters, the white sand, the talks, the laughter, the fun, the experience and the feeling of belongingness all redefined this very moment.

8. RFJPIA REGION 10 & CARAGA - ANNUAL REGIONAL CONVENTION WORD WIZARD CHAMPION

                Jade, Florence, and Pyang were with me as we won my most favorite event every ARC. This was a quiz show I could never forget. There was this line, “MAIN versus BRANCH” that described MSU – Main VS MSU – IIT round that really made it accidentally so much more fun for me. How could I ever forget that I was about to cry when the other opponent team in our own one-on-one mini-round took me out of my own team rendering me unable to play at all for the succeeding questions? I was so scared but the expectations I had for my teammates were more than surpassed. I can also still remember Pyang saying, “I’ll pretend na matalino ako para sakaling maunahan nila tayo nang pagsagot, ako ang una nilang taggalin.” Oh God, that was just priceless!

7. EXCURSIONS AFTER THE LAST HELL WEEK IN COLLEGE

                        Of all weeks in College, Hell Week, that week where exams are on irresistible parade is definitely the least favorite. This picture was taken after our last HELL WEEK in college. For a degree which has a lot of dramas, ups and downs and for a group of people who are more dramatic and with a higher number of ups and downs than normal, you could see in this picture how we felt like we evolved but we still acted like little kids. When you are just very thankful for the things that you have after a storm, the taste of freedom and victory would always break some grounds.

6. BELKIN PIONEERS – ATLANTA HAWKS

                                            When I decided that I would start working, I never expected that I signed up for this. I thought it would be very normal, boring, plain, and serious. However, my Teammates from Atlanta Hawk from Soft skills, to Tech Training, to TQ, to actual call handling and to the many other activities in and outside work gave a whole new definition of “Work Hard, Play Hard.” They are just people who gave me reasons to wake up on mornings and days when things weren’t easy anymore.  Some of us might have left or crossed other paths but undeniably, tripping down the memory lane of those days will always give us huge smiles. Smile we always had and we always will have.

5. MY GRADUATION DAY – APRIL 2013

                I’ll get back to a line I mentioned on picture no. 13. That line where I said “College both destroyed me and made me a better person more than anything”. I got destroyed primarily because I took risks I wasn’t supposed to take. That right there is way beyond me to explain. You only graduate College once. Even if you take another degree next, the first graduation is always the hardest to forget. You see how the caps are tossed up in the air on this photo? I always thought that it was so cheesy to do this. But when I was the one doing it, it didn’t feel cheesy at all because when you look at the cap that you throw up in the air and it gets back to you, you don’t see the cap as an object anymore. You would see it as yourself. Why? I’ll let you explain that to yourself.

4. DECEMBER 5, 2013

                The date stinks. Obviously, this was my birthday. I picked this as one of the best photos of my 2013 not just because I enjoyed watching FROZEN on the big screen with teammates Deo and Haya. This photo reminded me that even though I never oblige myself to celebrate every 5^th of December and even if I am far away from home, I always have some people who want to prompt me that every year is a blessing worth enjoying and worth living. I may not be the one who flaunts a birthday celebration but I sure take very seriously those who give their greetings. It feels good to think that people remember. Indeed, as long as I have friends and my jokes still work, December 5 will always be special.

3. THAT JACKET FOR A FOREVER LOST FRIENDSHIP

                

Oh God. This would be so awkward. Please don’t get me wrong. This photo is not special because it’s a back-to-back cute selfie. *insert a marching band here*. This is more about the jacket I am wearing on this photo. I promise that this would be the last time that I will bring up this topic about a certain somebody who used to be a very close friend of mine. I used to have this jacket. I wore this everyday. But someone took it, owned it and never gave it back. “Took it”, “owned it” and “never gave it back” are very powerful words to me because these are the same things that happened to the trust I thought we both had. I am  insanely concerned of what my friends think of me. I don’t sleep at night knowing that a friend won’t talk to me. But there are just some people who are not worth forgiving, people who are not even worthy of the “friend” label. And along with the loss of this jacket is a friendship that would be lost forever. As expected, of course, we all should move forward. So I did.

 2. FAMILY PIC AT MY GRADUATION STAGE

                    If there will be a world ranking for parents who want to give up and surrender but never do for their children, I bet my parents will have a good fight at the top of the list. You cannot imagine years of headaches, emotional and physical challenges just to let their eldest son graduate when all that they have is DREAM. If you think that sending a child to school with only hopes and dreams will not last, my parents will give you a good run for your money at that statement. This is absolutely one of those moments in life that I am most proud of myself. But if you’re going to ask me what moment in my life I have been most proud of my parents, I would say this picture should tell you everything.

1.  HOME

True enough, the importance of a photograph is not measured by the quality of the resolution it has. It can be found on that specific moment captured by the lens. No matter how pixelated a photo is, just like this one which I took using my low-end phone, if the picture itself paints a thousand words and fills various emotions, it will still be a photo you would need a lifetime to explain. This photo right here is a picture aimlessly taken by my youngest sister when we had one of our normal 4 PM swims in the sea. This is just few feet away from our home. I could never replace the calmness of this very familiar sea with a backdrop of the same sun that had been there when I needed it most. Whenever I am home, I always find time to have some moments with myself swimming in this large ocean thinking completely about nothing at all. This is one of those moments where you don’t ask God “Why”. This is one of those moments which we will always seek for the rest of our lives. Those short moments where we can say there’s nothing we need. Moments that make us feel complete. One of those moments where what matter most is that we’re alive.

My head still aches out of work fatigue. My vision is still blurred from the street traffic. I am still catching my breath even if I didn’t do anything very physically exhausting today.  A part of my haggard brain tells me that I should not be scanning, reviewing or throwing myself back to my old glory days by looking at some of the memorable photos I have gathered from the last 12 months of 2013, or any previous year for that matter. It is because my memories could cloud up my mind like a drifting kaleidoscope image or my emotions could deliberately tell me to laugh on some moments and stop my breathing on some seconds. But I guess it’s why they are called moments. They are meant to be treasured.

My hands shake as I press the last key and finish writing this. I close the laptop and manage a big smile. 2014, here I come.#

 
The sentimental orange light in the middle of the jeepney blinks twice. It hits my face so I close my eyes. It is really already getting dark outside.Then it starts raining. I pass by several happy Christmas lights on the way. Some of them vary in sizes and colors but I always prefer those big white lights that they hung under wide and tall trees where random people want to gather. Nearsightedness always comes with complaints about the consequences of not seeing everything clearly. But sometimes, at very rare times like this, this visual challenge that I have actually creates a melodramatic collage of these Christmas lights and the tail-lights of cars on crowded streets. It’s serendipitous that I feel lost again. The wind creeps on my skin and the raindrops are vivid but silent. I focus on nothing but the song playing on my earphones. I don’t want to be emotional. Crying inside a jeepney would be the last thing I would do. But I can’t help it. I just can’t. I thought I grew more mature. I know I did. I just didn’t realize that there will be few tears along the way.

              

                 I have been living an official city life for nine months now after I graduated college. I was honestly the person who used to think that I wouldn’t blend with a city and its lifestyle. Pretty much I guess, I still don’t blend that perfectly. I just do what I want to do and it is up for this city to take what I will and will not give. I never let the city dictate what I should and shouldn’t do. People are so engrossed with the idea of visiting malls, going to concerts, or drinking very late at night. I am not up for those. I just lock myself in my room and watch TV shows on my laptop. I enjoy it better than going to places you can always visit everyday if you want to. This is not because I am not oriented with how everything goes. Maybe it is because I am not yet ready.

                I paid a number of visits to my university for the last few months. Seeing very familiar faces and very close friends has somehow made me forget that I am apparently stressed with work right now. Every time I go back to the campus, I always look forward being with people, talking about our lives and just having fun like we always had. The maximum time I spent on each visit was only around two days. Less than forty eight hours even. I appear, make them laugh, get them to be with me and eat at our favorite restaurant, tell them few things going in and out of my mind, give them last few hugs and then I go back to the city again. I am completely happy every time I am with these people. But when I head home, either on the jeepney or on the bus, my sentiments still get the best of me. When I lean my head on the glass windows and look at the darkness outside, my thoughts tell me that there is something at the back of my mind I cannot explain further. All I know is that I want the universe to give me answers for it. I have been meaning to ask something that bothered me for quite some time. The only problem is that I don’t even know the question.

People have doubts and stereotypes with the nature of the work that I have right now. I can’t blame them. When I started working, this is where I realized that this job is not as easy as others hear it to be. And I also understood why others think the way they do about the job. This job requires multifaceted skills. I know a lot of good people who are not fit for this job. That is why I guess this job needs more respect coming from others. I would be very afraid to say that I love my job right now. There is “fear” of admitting that I like what I am doing because I know that this shouldn’t be permanent. I have come to know a handful of amazing people who are now my close friends as well. I know that sometimes I feel so detached and challenged because my work is not yet that stable in terms of internal matters but I genuinely think that I have grown as a better individual when I started working. A lot of people have also asked, “How do you like your work so far?” I just answer them by saying that it would always depend on how willing you are in making the best out of the job that you have. I am a newbie in the company that I am working but I feel like I have been there all my life. It’s so sad that I would really have to leave soon.

                My sister just called me earlier this morning. She wanted to check if I would be home for Christmas or New Year. Inasmuch as I love to be home, see my mom preparing those round fruits on New Year’s eve that I always eat before the clock ticks at 12 AM, listen to my father’s annual engine showoff of his motorcycle together with other vehicles in the neighborhood, laugh at my sisters who write their next year’s resolutions and burning the papers after they jump up and down when everybody shouts “Happy New Year!” and go to church at dawn where everything feels so fragile and nostalgic. This is just the one of the biggest reasons why I think December has been so melodramatic for me. I badly miss my family and I really want to go home. It’s hard to be existing in one place but your soul, heart and mind are elsewhere.

                At times like this where I get so tested, I accidentally contemplate. Then I resort to prayer. And then I realize how unreligious I have become for the last few moments of my life. Yes. I stopped praying when everybody does it with others. I feel a latent guilt of not going to Church every Sunday not just because I have work on this particular day but also because I don’t want to make up for my absence. I have been a grave sinner, I know. And I admit I am not the most religious man in the world. But I have not lost all my faith. I guess I just have to take some time to think things over. Maybe go to church one of these days and offer a very deep prayer like I used to do when I was still a kid - that moment with my grandpa and grandma as we kneel to pray at Church on Simbang Gabi. They always told me “Prayers are heard based on how deep you say it from your heart.” I want to feel again that feeling I always had after praying deep. That feeling of praise when I would hear the divine sound of church choir. That feeling of warmth an embrace can give. That feeling I always call REDEMPTION.

                I hear the jeepney driver shout where we’re at, emphasizing that we’ve reached my destination and I could go home. I open my eyes and see that the light in the middle of the jeep is off. I took my earphones off. I give the driver some coins then I come out of the vehicle. I walk straight to the dark, narrow pavement where I now see my new home, my home away from home. I reach my room’s doorstep and fish the key inside my bag. I take a step inside and look at everything that seems to be pretty messed up. I set everything back and clean up a bit. Now I ready my bed. There is still something heavy inside my chest I can feel it. But after all this time of weighing things, I feel like a long-awaited relief is certain to come. I then turn off the light.  I lay myself on my bed and tell myself, “You never waver. You’re still my favorite month, December.” #