There was a point in time when my life revolved around someone I used to hold very dear. I never really thought that I’d fall prey to that collection of emotions. I refused to call it love then. All I know is that at that time, I felt happier than I had always been. It was like that person came into my life to give me one missing piece even though I didn’t know I was incomplete to begin with.

So there I was, giving it my all – time, commitment and honesty. I unknowingly built my life around someone who I thought would be with me for a long time, to share random laughter, to go to places I have always dreamt of travelling and to achieve things together no matter how small they were.

But our story is not like the movies where they eventually stick together at the end. One of us had to leave and the other one had to wonder why. I wish I were the one who left so I wouldn’t be writing this.

But I wasn’t.

I often thought before that heartbreaks are overrated. But weeks after I lost someone who I already considered a part of me, I started understanding why people act that way.

That heartbreak made me think and do things that I would call silly or stupid had I not gone through that phase. I got stuck with our favorite song, playing it all night as if the lyrics would change into words that could answer all my questions. I feared going to places that reminded me of where we used to be but I still ended up going there all by myself, hoping to find clues along the way. And only then did I start to appreciate how much I changed because of every little thing that we did and made together.

Love is indeed powerful, no matter where in the spectrum of happiness it lies. This is what I have noticed when I translated my heartbreak into the things that I hoped would drive me away from it. I started writing about emotions but my sentences usually breathed either grief or regret. Writing about loss has then become a half-full, half-empty triumph that I got addicted to. 

I tried to write about moving on and being happy all by myself but I just couldn’t find the right words and make sense out of them. Something always brought me back to the dark side of love in writing. It may sound odd but I think I found my sanctuary when I wrote about leaving and being lonely.

I noticed the same thing when I ventured on photography. I took random shots at first so that I could determine the type of photography that would suit me best. For quite a time, I enjoyed taking photos with bright backgrounds and objects. They lifted up my mood. But I felt like I was not getting the images that I had truly wanted to capture.

With the right equipment and some experiments, I finally found what I was looking for – low-light, subject-intensive photography. I added many of them on my portfolio, photos that are mostly dark as though they were all taken at the break of dawn. They are almost light-deprived and are usually with subjects of people conveying emotions that were never expressed. 

When I look at these photos, I get transported to that point in my life where pain has morphed into something I can’t live without. That point, of course, dates back to that morning I woke up and realized that I’d be lonely for a long time.

 

Even though I focused on other things but I was somewhat just converting my heartache into each medium, I still reached a point where I started smiling genuinely. I must say that there is no one-stop formula in getting over pain and moving on.

All we need to do is to open up ourselves for greater possibilities in life, accept things both the good and the bad, and start appreciating people around us who have always been there for us.

We should change the way we see love. Not that kind of love that pains us. Not that love that makes us grieve. Not that love that  makes us lose sleep. Not that love that destroys us. A tragic love is indeed something that will always be remembered but loving does not end there.

We should keep our hearts closer instead to the kind of love that we can give to people in our lives who actually matter - our family, our friends, and ourselves.  We could give love to those who don’t even ask for them.

We should always keep on loving as many things as possible. It may just be the best thing we can do while we live.

xxx

NORBY