[Here's more. I wrote this one on November 2010. This mourned, rejoiced, condoled and celebrated my first semester as a Junior College Student.]

How long? Months? Maybe 5 months. Yeah, that’s it. I’ve had 5 months of unrecorded thoughts. I really miss writing. I can feel it along the silence of this trembling cold night as i write after a long break. Again. Given my favourite pen, few sheets of papers, personal privacy as everybody else in the room is asleep and having only the sole light of a lamp to illuminate this unconscious night, I believe I deserve these few hours for myself. Writing whatever matters my head and heart have long wanted to share. With one last and long sigh, here I would go. Knocking my thoughts on heaven’s doors.
 
 
As a junior student, this semester has been so revealing. Revealing in a sense that it showed me who I am, what my strengths and weaknesses are and taught me valuable lessons which I considered absurd months ago. There those things went. Profoundly.Unseen.Uncensored.Unnoticed. Since I haven’t kept a diary to track the things that happened lately, I would love to start reminiscing all those memorable events which opened my eyes, locked my lips and drew my smiles. Selecting the highlights would be a fun job for this may become a short synopsis I would compensate for all the things I left unattended. And I bet, this may take much time. However, that’s not the issue here anymore. So break it free.As for the newest things I have gone with this semester, JPIA has a lot to say about them. This semester embarked with the exhaustive enrolment week. As a student-assistant to the enrolees, this has somehow made me realize that I AM a JPIA Officer, a fact which gradually registered to my instinct. Talk about what I’ve been through during the Accountancy Week. It’s not that I was the only busy one, it is about how floored I am every time I think of the titanic responsibilities and tasks I have overcome. I tell you, it’s never easy when all eyes and expectations are laid in your standing. It was made even more challenging when things were brought up to the regional level. The Regional Midyear Convention in CDO! Winning the Whiz Kids Plus as champion for the second consecutive year despite only reaching 2nd place in the Pop Dance Competition having MSU-Main Chapter as Champion for 4 straight years and receiving the Overall 1st Runner-up award, I am of much pride of myself in behalf of the entire local chapter. It was my 2ndCDo invasion this sem because I had participated the Regional Executive Board Meeting months earlier. That was fun, really. Living in the hotel like we owned everything. Played the piano insanely, repeated using the elevator ‘till it seemed still nauseous even outside, and talked in the meeting proper as if we were never afraid of the things we wanted to convey. For everything that happened and are yet to happen, I look forward more from my co-officers. That’s the spirit.
 
 
Jumping onto the other side, let me blab on my academics. One word.Haha. That’s how it all rolled. I would chuckle how this semester just ended where in fact I never really felt it started. One of the wondrous coincidences this sem has offered is the parallelism in terms of final grades my two major subjects incurred. They are both 2.0. It had an offsetting effect. I exerted more effort on the first one but was falling on it. I was too relax with the other one but was passing it. They’re still equal at the end. Though I honestly expected 2.5 and 1.5 on the latter, it seemed like expectations don’t materialize at all times. Tsk. Furthermore, it’s a blessing to have 3.0 in Econ60. Flunking those nerve-wracking exams, I should have failed. I can’t relate with the subject, honestly speaking. Until now. So it’s better done that way, isn’t it? My PE4, Mgt11 and English8 were definitely demanding subjects but based on grades, my instructors should have bestowed mercy by raising them higher. Yet they didn’t. Well then, there’s still hope when Sir Peepo gave me an exhilarating grade in Mktg11 which I prayed since I failed the prelim exam. What an answered prayer! Even if my goal was to push my CGPA up, it went down. I have no one to blame. I guess. I still have my scholarship, no worries! There must be something for the next semesters.
 
 
With regards to my beloved MSU-Honors Program, it was also my first 5 months of enjoying my being a full-pledged member. “POOP”, it is the word of the semester taking into consideration the realizations I had and still am having now that I own the spot. Many would kill for this. I’m blessed I have one. Even if I missed the applicants’ Talent Show, that wouldn’t turn down the joy I had with the other activities the program had. Tripping from the rushed Orientation Program where I shockingly spoke, to the Interview phase where I tried to build impressions with people coming in, to the Essay Writing, IQ and Aptitude Tests as well as the Extemporaneous Speaking phases where I saw how the new kids evolved, and to the postponed probationary-members-to-be’s Acceptance, HP still gives reasons for everything. Yet, my favourite for this sem were the things we all did during the University Foundation Anniversary along with the quiz shows we’ve won. HP has yet more to go and it is as cruel as Dan Brown’s novel that it never allows things get predicted. HP people love that sort of twist.Now if there’s a question about what made me happiest during the semester, it would be consolidated with two things.
 
 
First, BALANCES! Through up and down, for over three years now, we remained strong. We were there. Present enough to be seen. Everyone’s happiness is shared. Everyone’s sorrow is felt. Everyone’s undertaking is always a joint venture. Indeed, we are an adorable corporation ready to give dividends not just in profits but even in losses. I could never be happier in the department with BALANCES as my family. They’re all damn crazy.
 
 
Second would be my home away from home, RD. Doydoy, Baloi, Dann, KuyaGodo, Kingkoi, Adam, Kris and Welvor, they have been the wisest and funniest guys that still keep doing things I never expected them to do. They go beyond limits. Very optimistic yet I enjoy their frailty. Better or worse. Added on the long list are Vit, Ariel, Jeffrey, Junjun and the RS-turning-RD Rowen, I love these kids so much. They are unfolding a new generation of RD that I want to impart with, if not complete. Without RD, maybe I got myself with ropes on my neck every time I was with a burden I couldn’t afford to bear. They are impressive painters. They paint you a smile on your very face. A smile which you never thought still exists.
 
 
When people ask me about how my family is going on. I can’t answer any of their questions. Even now, this section is out of order. I am sorry.
 
As for the insanity that I thought wouldn’t fade, I ain’t sure about it yet. But now, I have no plans at all. I am settled.
 
 
I love the way how things are.I love myself despite anything. I know people love me. There are those who care and even with these miseries, I know heaven’s doors will open. Soon.# 

[Another post from before copied from facebook. Oh well. This was controversial. It had to draw a lot of cooncerned people out. This is about the one and only subject I failed. Ever.]

October 17, 2009

“Shit!”was the word I whispered on the window glass of the semi-ragged
jeepney I was riding on my way home
yesterday. The feeling that amputated
my consciousness from my mind was
deemed irreconcilable. I was super
weird. I felt like I was extremely stupid. I wanted to drive the jeepney into a
place where I left something I would
ever regret. I wanted to fly myself there
and clear everything. But Mindanao
State University Main Campus, Marawi
City is tiresomely miles away. The jeep stopped at my place then I rushed
immediately to my room. My dumb tears
started rolling down my weak cheeks
and I realized that it’s too late. My God, it is too late.

It all started with a surprising text
message I received on the ride. It was
from my dormmate Dann Jason Arbiol.
It read somewhat like he was asking
me why the remark on my PE3 grade in
Akan (more popularly Kiosk beside EDP) was RED!!! Swift thoughts of
depression, worries and fretfulness
flooded my preoccupied head. At first, I
just smiled pretending that perhaps,
yeah maybe, it is just a joke. But hey!
Dann doesn’t joke that way! I replied him with some queries but cellular
network barriers caused his
subsequent silence. I had been so
restless from that time on when
another friend, Cindy, confirmed it to
me boldly in contrast with Dann’s euphemistic approach. Cindy texted,
“Unya na naq itxt imung mga grades, OK mn! Except sa imung PE3 5.0 sya. ” At that very moment, I did not hesitate
anymore to the tearing down reality
that the university has already
considered this failing grade of mine in
its system. It’s so hard to accept that for the first, I really failed a subject! Bang! I
cannot take that I am to face a lot of
consequences which I know might
alter my lifestyle, my personal views in
life or worst… my entire personality. I do not have any idea on what is at
stake after this but I am certain of one
unspecified thing to occur- Change.

I already told some fellows about it and
their primary rebuttal focused on my
performance in the subject. Honestly, I
could say that my performance is poor
compared with my other classmates
who know Sepak Takraw well. But undoubtedly, I am not the bottom in
the class neither the worst of them.
Though few did great at practical
exams, the majority are in the same
range of output level. I know to myself
that I really do not deserve the grade. I have attended 9 out of total 11
meetings we had all throughout the
semester. I would want to hear my
teacher’s side about it to concede the emptiness I am feeling for this incident.
But I guess no word will be enough to
fulfill this need for I am now drenched
with an absolute fluid of unfairness. It
leads me astray.

Looking on the dark side, it seems like
the sun’s not rising anymore for me. First, my Transcript of Records forever
will burden this mess and no matter
what I do, the glaringly shining-
shimmering-splendid 5.0 will never be
ditched. Ever. And now, Blimey! I want
to write in a large placard the sentence, “I AM NOT A SCHOLAR ANYMORE !”
Shame fits into my soul. My registration
in the dormitory will not be for free
then. I’d have more expenses on enrolment time. And obviously, my
CGPA will suffer for the rest of my
college life. I just can’t believe that the foundation I have been striving to
strengthen is now torn destructively in
a whip by a deteriorating grade in
Physical Education. I do not even have
the courage now to tell someone what
my current cgpa is. But above all is the financial aspect of this loss. I haven’t told my mother yet. I don’t know how to explain that the monthly stipend,
book and transportation allowances
that help her cope my studies up are
gone. Already gone.

I now feel the
terrible effect for this once-in-a-lifetime
loss. This is indeed painful.

TUGON: For the calls and text messages from
friends and concerned folks out there,
daghan salamat sa iju tanan. Though I
am weary, you keep my feet on
standing. Kang Katrina & Jordan who
have rendered me the best advices, I am so thankful for those.. Overproven
na jud! Kamu jud ako closest friends.
Kang Dann, Cindy, Tay G, Kuya Ge,
Alyannah, Bambi, Jenny, Rohaira at Sir
Sultan!.. Salamat sa mga concern.. ug
kang Iriss, hmp. Madam! Dili jus japun ka motuo? Ambot na lang.. ha-ha, awh,
peace! I should still wear a smile in spite of this,
I know. I would just want to read your
advices and knowledge about the
ciurcumstances surrounding this one.
What should I do? Is there something
to do? I have loads of wonders but however, I know.. God will always be
there.. I really miss the peace in my mind.#

[This one is the piece I made during the 2009 university-wide Essay Writing Contest. This is a bit informal for the competition. But, I am still proud writing this]

THEME: “How the Msuan Can Demonstrate Genuine Concern for Environmental Issues”

MSUANS ON THE HORIZON: A CHANGE OF PACE

I felt relieved. Last night’s weather forecast in the television stated that Mindanao will have a sunny weather today including cold cities in the south like Marawi. When the rays of sun started radiating and permeated the window glasses of my room, I smiled at the King Sun for it’s going to be a good day. Lowering down my head, I saw two children happily voicing out as they sold vegetables considering the fact that perhaps, they will be rewarded by their mother because of the impressive sales out of their labor. Thirty minutes unconsciously passed and I didn’t even realize that I went back sleeping. I faced the window again but now, I could see no other color than unsaturated gray due to heavy rain. Green and yellow shirts hovered in the scenario. It was the two kids! Their vegetables were left on their way because they used the wide container as protection from rain. At a vista, I believe I saw them crying while their clothes were drenched with dirt and mud. I took a deep breath then told myself,

“For sure, those kids will never believe in weather forecast again.”

Here I am, striving for my dreams, at a very unique university in the southern part of the Philippines- Mindanao State University Main Campus. Why unique? It’s very peculiar for this widely- spanned university to have a community within the campus itself. Here can you find residential houses, business establishments and diverse individuals that have all linked themselves with the university on the top of a greenish mountain. But the green color at a far distance deceives the eye of what is really within MSU. At all directions your vision can attain, improperly disposed waste materials seem to dance with the wind of Unforgiven Conscience. This wind craves to blow these wastes to the faces it loves, the faces of those who ditched the garbage in an offensive manner.

As the wind rests, heavy rain immediately follows. The effect of change in the rainfall cycle is very evident in the cracked lands that produce unwanted heat from within, not counting how many other environmental constituents are destroyed by it. The wind and the rain are definitely mad so they will never stop doing their mutual task until we wake ourselves up.

Stepping with a bigger leap, our country itself is suffering with environmental challenges. We always feel intense heat due to lack of surrounding trees. This inefficiency is furthermore triggered by unscrupulously illegal logging of trees that exist. Nevertheless, the issue about illegal logging isn’t flashy nowadays anymore. There are no trees to be logged, illegal or legal, notwithstanding. That makes it worse. Filipinos always make plans for reforestation but unfortunately, the number of dying animals is pathetically far way larger than the number of concerned Filipinos.

Now as we go on to ponder on the environment’s status quo in the perspective of looking through the entire planet, it is undeniably like a flashback to the uncivilized geologic periods. What has been embossed by the civilization and human evolution on the planet gradually vanishes like falling dominoes. Animals are severely extinct. Instead of preserving, we don’t spare them; we even kill them for strikingly wicked personal purposes. Same is true with the global warming and the apparent climate change. All these things destruct the equilibrium of nature and we don’t have anything to blame other than our own actions.

As MSU reaches its 48th year of foundation, the challenge has been laid upon the students of the campus- the present MSUans. To demonstrate genuine concern, there are several ways an MSUan can do it. First is through academic excellence. By this, students will be more prolific in producing methods, ideas, and techniques to implement counter-attacks against environmental phenomena. This entails rational knowledge to be used in this battle for changes. Second medium is through direct actions. An MSUan is characterized by a courageous ego. He can plant more trees, help preserve animals and conduct activities that will eventually remind everyone in the awareness of helping shape a better future. And lastly, self-discipline is the most efficient pen we can ever write in our minds and hearts. If we persevere, we will surely find contentment we have all been dreaming all our lives. It all comes from us; we just have to unseal it. I don’t want those two kids to cry again because of the environment. I even want my future children to lie down in the green pastures of the golf course as I can still do now. Not burns. Not ruins. Not floods. Not rain.

After a long time of lying, I will now stand up and do my task. I will help shape the future. Go
MSUans! Let the battle begin.#

[I remember writing this when I was 1st year College. Way too emtotinal, I wrote this one artlessly. But for the record, it's the first blog post I have made after High School. This is copied from a note on my Faceboo account.]

My fingers got tired of pressing the keypad of my two phones. It’s idling. No text messages seemed to arrive. I crisscrossed my arms and laid my head down. Facing the widely open window as the trees were dancing to the strange breath of the wind while the sun’s rays embraced them, I wondered why those little raindrops took their part on my vision. I change the music in my media player and the song “Who Am I”immediately stroke my ear. I drenched myself with the solitude and bewilderment. All that I want is just to find what was missing.

I always want to write but my indolence refrains me from achieving all those plans. It is really strange this time why I unnoticeably opened a notebook and started to engrave words in it. I might have just been triggered by my resonant depression or the feeling of emptiness I just feel
seldom. If I continue writing now, I may find solutions to my problems.

Restlessness kills me. I hate it every time I tuck myself in the bed then I would think about what others are doing. Realizing that they are busy, I can’t help but do something just to fulfil my anxiety. I walk, I talk, I sing, I read and I idle. What’s worst is that I can’t get something done. I always start but I don’t finish. Why do I let myself suffer? Why can’t I be who I want to be? I keep dragging those questions as I exist but I never provided my own mind an
answer.

I want to accomplish studying well my major subject (Accounting 121) but thoughts compel me to close the book and do something else. I just came from Mindnolia where I utilized my remaining minutes with Facebook and Friendster. Heck, the enjoyment was dead. It was like I resuscitated myself from an emotional imprisonment even if I know that it cannot be revived. My discontentment sucks. I abhor it.

People around me sustain my vigor but if they are not around, I become a headless walker- walking without any certain direction. First stop, Katrina’s busy and she is not replying my messages. Jordan’s out of the world. It seems like he doesn’t want to be disturbed (signed off). Paolo’s far. I don’t know why. Kuya Gege’s on his don’t-perturb-I’m-asleep mode. Kuya Goodie, Kuya Glimpse and Dann are not in the scenario. I don’t want to go to Kuya Moises right now either. Best place seems to be my bed. I have got loads on both cellphones (Globe & Smart) but the interest for texting is not there. This pencil’s mark on the paper is getting disappointing as time goes by.

Isn’t it a fantastic boredom? Can I freak out/ can I shout myself out? Can I cry myself out loud? “Norbert, you can’t!”a voice I heard while my eyes are closed. Maybe I should ponder on what Jenny advised that I should return to my inspiration to continue living furthermore. God, show me the way please. Yet for now, I will have to sleep and bring myself on. Be right back.#

ISA NA NAMAN ITONG TATAK NG AKING
PAGIGING SCHIZOPHRENIC..

People may say that I have been blogsite-hopping. That I am restlessly changing the sites in which I post my blog entries. I am guilty of that! However, there are tons of reasons why I am back here in blogger. Yes, I AM BACK! I made my first ever blog here 3 years ago. That's about 2008. Quite a long time. So how about some "Welcome Back" streamers out there bloggers?

I started blogging here when I was about 4th year High School. Eventually, I got bored. I knew of not even a single friend who kept their own blog. I was on my own. And everytime I look at and read my old blogspot page [ emopunkprinz.blogspot.com ], I always laugh at my childishness. The posts there are so unplanned, unmanaged, and impulsive. Except for some pictures, it is worth to be hidden from the open. However, I want to keep that as a record. My first blog. Oh come on! That's for my children to read.

The same story happened with my multiply account. On the peak of multiply's 15-minute fame, I left blogger and jumped there at the same year. Still, I had to leave my page [ emopunkprinz.multiply.com ], which is a proof of a dark-loving personality I once conquered, because I got tired of blogging when only a few people follow me. Sadly, those few people are those who viewed my page through accident. I just hope it was serendipity for them. I changed home again.

I stopped blogging after 2 consecutive site failures. But not writing. I never will. When facebook came out, I posted some of my write-ups there as NOTES. Since it's a social networking site, I got the taste of what it's like for my pieces to be scrutinized, rejected and appreciated. Yet, there was still a hole. Something that kept my writing satisfaction on the edge.

I should give credits to Eia Guimbor for directing me to tumblr.com. I saw 30 reasons to love tumblr. *quoted*. I loved the photos there. Undisputedly, it's the best site for pictures. (Try it if you haven't been there!) So I also started building my own tumblr home. I was too delighted by the pictures that maybe my page [ iamnorbert.tumblr.com ] almost resembles earth's ratio of water to land. 70% photos, 30% words. And wait, I want to be a word-blogger and honestly, tumblr is for people with DSLR cameras. And one more thing, I got helpless when posting wordy blog entries in tumblr when I realized that it was inconvenient for readers to leave their comments. Pathetic.

I embraced wordpress after I saw a link on a page of someone I follow on twitter. I was initially floored. Shoot! It was way to cool. [ iamnorbert.wordpress.com ] The widgets: hoverPics, Twitter posts, blogroll, calendar, tag cloud, category cloud and blog hits, they all amused me. Getting me do a single overnight to make the entire page look good. But it's the header thing that greatly pulled me. I always wanted something like that in my blog and so, my wordpress header is something I worked hard for. My problem however with this site is the uploading of photos that must be included in your blog posts. Darn. It really consumes much time. Crunching and Saving suck. It bothered me again but I just let it that way. It was the only one that's not good about wordpress.

Here comes a lady of words, photos and links. *chuckles*. Sittie Ayeesha Dicali's blogger account [ ayeeshamd.blogspot.com ] made some hissing sound. Wooh! I just think her blog is awesome. And I swear to the gods and goddesses of Mount Olympus that her header is flooringly eye-catching. I was like, "I shouldn't have left blogger if I knew I could do and have these stuffs her blog brags." Furthermore, I opened Ogie Diaz' Twitter page and clicked on the link of his website. I found out that it is here on blogger and man, he has 1000+ followers. Come on! I wasn't amazed by the number. *really*. I was with the F-O-L-L-O-W-E-R-S. People finally mind reading you.
Isn't this what I was born for?

And so, I am here again. Starting a new blogging life in this site. I promise to keep this updated. And well-structured. Not bad with the site with the highest number of bloggers. Not bad! Click. I am home.

P.S. --> my tumblr and wordpress accounts will still be active. I'll be posting special stuffs to see and read there. Some stuffs fit for them. :)